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1/09 Washington DCA solidly bipartisan bill passed in both houses of Congress yesterday and was signed by the President today extending the transition to digital TV until 4/1/2060. Additionally, broadcasters can keep their analog transmitters humming along until then if they choose. The sunset of analog TV had been slated for February of this year but had been put off until June to allow consumers more time to purchase set top converters. Today's much longer extension should allow befuddled consumers the time they truly need to research and understand the transition.
Additionally the price of the converters, previously subsidized with a $40 voucher, will now be extended to entirely cover the purchase of either a set top box or a 60" plasma TV with digital tuning and a subwoofer. "Now that's some stimulus!" a Senate staffer was heard to say.
The news was a bit of a surprise to consumers and broadcasters alike. Praise for the action has come from all sides. Small broadcasters, reluctant to part with their beloved klystrons welcomed the chance watch them glow a while longer. (there have been reports of "Klystron Cults" barring workcrews from installing Digital transmitters). The FCC was relieved as compliance staff had been underfunded for at least a decade and there simply are no funds in the upcoming budget to enforce a DTV transition. And from the cable industry, spokesman Mo Dollas of Comcast, visibly giddy, said today "This is a great boon to the cable industry. We can continue to crow about the cable alternative while our rates continue, as they always have, to go up,up, up while preserving our long tradition of doing as little as possible to improve service or channel offerings for our customers." (Also announced today is the Comcast Quadruple Play: cable, telephone, internet and on-demand grocery delivery).
Not everyone was happy with the legislation however. A coalition of viewer rights groups gathered on the Capitol steps to stress that citizens would be cut off from news if analog transmitters were turned off. "This is an outrage! Citizens need access to news so they can be informed citizens. Turning off analog TV will leave millions without access to news". A BBC reporter then asked
"Radio is a source of news now, isn't it ?"
"Um, um..."
"And radios are something like ten US dollars, is that not correct? Or even cheaper at garage sales?".
The news conference ended ubruptly when the coalition spokeperson could not be found for further comment.
Wall Street reacted to the news predictably by closing the day 10% lower but not before the creation of a slew of new investment vehicles going by terms such as "broadcast transition derivatives" and "subcarrier default swaps". On the commodities market aluminum futures rose in anticipation of higher antenna sales. Multilevel marketing execs were ecstatic with the news and immediately promised young and inexperienced entrepeneurs they could make fortunes not only guilting family and friends into buying the now obsolete converter boxes but also sitting back and "cashing the checks" if they simply sign them all up as "Associates".
The NAB, a driving force behind the extension, has applauded the action. An NAB spokesman, who asked to remain anonymous said "We were getting really tired of those PSAs. I mean how long does it take people to get it that they need to buy a stupid converter? We've been at this for years; now we don't have to worry about it again for a few decades."
Others applauding the ruling have more nostalgic reasons for not bidding goodbye to old faithful analog: "HDTV, as it turns out, is just not all that great. "After the cable and satellite companies compress the living crap out of it it looks worse than SECAM" said Craig Buhlman of Analog Forever. "I think they cut it with PowerBoost or something". Analog clubs like Craig's have sprung up in many cities in the last few years as the DTV transition loomed.
Grisled veteran, Hans "the Terminator" Nelson, chief engineer of KAPR CH 1 in Paducah said, "Finally some sense; ya know this way we skip HDTV altogether. By 2060 Sony'll just invent something else and make all our HD gear obsolete anyway so it's just stupid to do this now. We can just wait for the next format for a few decades, just like we waited for HDTV."
And how is this all playing on Main Street?
Stewart Jones of Cedar Rapids Iowa knows just what to do with all those soon to be obsolete converters: "These babies are built in Pyongyang and the power supplies are massive and really inefficient! Plug it in and in 5 minutes you have a nifty dorm room hotplate. I encased one in epoxy and it keeps the fish tank nice and cozy".
I sat down to get the unique perspective of Dr. Uno Lirpa, the reclusive inventor of the set top DTV converter. I asked him what he thought of today's legislation. "Since I was a young boy in Checkoslovakia I dreamed of the day I would provide to the world something as important as the DTV converter box. I don't mind to tell you young man, my heart; it weeps. I am saddened by the news, I tell you this honestly." Dr. Lirpa, inventor of the iconic Lirpa One Wireless Cable and the man who, for years, labored with the basic research behind Panasonic's PP Liquid State Recording Media was nonetheless focused on the future. "Oh well, lad, I must continue my service to mankind then, mustn't I?" He must. I for one can't wait for Dr Lirpa's next selfless contribution to the world of television. I expect it in just about a year!See Dr. Lirpa's historic inventions:
